Guilin, Day 3

So our last day in Guilin was split between exploring Seven Stars Park (七星岩) and taking part in some R&R at the hotel. 七星岩 is one of China's original tourist destinations (besides that long wall thing, of course) and has been on the vacation itinerary of both President Clinton and Nixon. The sign at the front of the park promises visitors a chance to see wild monkeys while simultaneously warning guests to keep their distance.

And we did. See monkeys that is.

Monday Update

Hope everyone had a great weekend and is ready to get back to the grind/finished one day back at the grind for my friends in Asia and Oz. My kids are getting antsy from all the rain here and I caught several hormonal teenagers surfing a smut site on their phones in my class. Despite my daily frustrations towards internet censorship here, I am hoping that this site will be blocked in the next week or two.

Speaking of taking away cell phones, it's been over a week and the police still have not apprehended my cellphone stealing, bike thieves. In country of 3.2 billion people I am not surprised. As of Sunday, I have a new phone. It looks like this:

Above: Michael Douglas in the 1987 classic 'Wall Street.' Coincidently, I had been told twice last week that my father looked like Gordon Gecko.

My mobile's not actually that bad; I'll survive. Happy Monday.

The Real World Sucks?

Sometimes, the real world sucks.

But it can also be downright fabulous. I just got back from a four week vacation (ok, real world for teachers) during which I purchased the new iPhone 4s. Let me tell you, it is worth every hundred. The best feature is the iMessage option, which allows you to send free texts to other 4s models worldwide. That, along with Facetime and Skype, make staying in-touch abroad extremely convenient.

Today, as I zipped along on my e-bike, I felt a tug on my earphones and my Chinese language tape suddenly stopped. I looked down and realized that my phone had dislodged from my coat pocket. Quickly breaking to a halt, I looked backwards but failed to spot my phone. Still on my bike, I looked to a man and several people walking next to me and asked if they had seen my phone. Although none of them spoke English (shocker), they pointed ahead just in time for me to see two young men on a illegal street bike swerve and right themselves. They continued to gesture furiously and it suddenly clicked that these men had just stolen my phone.

Although the moment from theft to realization had taken less than 25 seconds, my disbelief and slow reaction time provided enough opportunity for them to escape (this is why I am bad at sports and video games).

I sped to the next intersection and frantically asked the policeman (every major intersection has a traffic guard, check out the driving and you will understand why) and all around if anyone could speak English. A Chinese man in his late twenties told me that he could speak English and I hurriedly explained the situation. He called the police station and we went into a nearby bank to wait for someone to arrive.

The man introduced himself to me as King and assured me that he didn't mind waiting with me since he telecommuted to work in Fenton, Michigan. I relayed the entire situation, or what I could remember since it had all happened so quickly. A cop car finally arrived and drove 'the King and I' (sorry, I couldn't help it) to the nearest police station. After giving my statement and signing it with my John Hancock and 5 thumbprints (yeah, they do that) we were whisked off to the main police station for further red tape.

The next time someone says something bad about the Chinese government, I will punch them in the face. Seriously though, my experience with the Chinese police force was nothing less than awesome. When my good samaritan and I walked into the station, we were met by two officers which quickly grew to 10. Everyone was eager to help me and gave me kleenex, water and use of the internet on their official computers. They checked the facts of my situation and called another department to make sure that someone else didn't need to be involved too since I was a foreigner.

The policemen helped me call my cell phone company and threw their weight around when they refused to cancel my sim card without a physical copy of my passport. The officers asked King what I did in China. They were shocked when they heard all the subjects that I taught and were even more surprised when they learned that I taught Physics.... to Chinese students... in English. They asked what I studied in school and how I found my job. King was a bit confused himself when I explained that I majored in Advertising and Public Relations but he rolled with it.

As it neared lunch time, they asked my new friend and I if we wanted to leave or join them in the canteen. Knowing that they fully expected me to reject their offer, I shocked them all by accepting. Five police guards proudly escorted me to the cafeteria and I enjoyed a meal that far out passed my greasy school lunches.

I had full run of the police station all afternoon and explored the various rooms (my favorite was a room labeled 'sober-up room' with beds) and courtyards. I am upset that I wasn't able to take pictures of the facilities (they only allowed one in the cafeteria) because it was by far the cleanest building I have seen in China, surpassing the hospitals by far.

=I would be lying if I said today was a great day. It sucked. After waiting a month to get my hands on the new iPhone, it was stolen from me and I will not be able to replace it. But I gained a new friend, got to eat lunch with the city's finest and experience a level of cleanliness that I didn't think existed in this country. So although I am still truly upset about losing my mobile security blanket and the constant contact with my loved ones back home, the real world does not suck overall. My problems are first world problems and, who knows, maybe someone reading this will buy me an iPhone. Any interested parties can feel free to e-mail me. 再见

Big News!

I interrupt this catch-up blog post to bring you two pieces of real-time news: my blog now has ads and I scored highest on my teacher evaluations!

In reference to the first piece of news, I finally figured that I might as well get paid for my writing. As per the Google Adsense agreement, I cannot encourage you to click my ads so I won't.

My boss told me this evening that I had received the best feedback on my teacher evaluations. The parents and students like my teaching style and gave me pretty high marks. They say that I break Physics down into a way that is detailed and easy to understand. I knew none of my students were falling through the cracks, partly because I hunt them down on social media and make them explain to me what they don't understand in class/why they weren't in class to misunderstand me. But I became excited when I heard the news that I am not only considered an interesting foreign entertainer but an bona fide educator as well. I eagerly asked to see the evals and was handed several pages of Chinese characters. So I can't really tell yet exactly what was said, but I can get back to you after several years of Chinese lessons.

Good Luck Restaurant

“Can you recommend a local favorite?” my dad asked the hotel staff that night.

Let me preface this post by saying that I have gotten used to local digs. After a semester here I have only slight trepidation eating at the neighborhood “greasy chopstick” and asking for a side of bowling water to clean my utensils/ bowls. After several stomachaches and six months of eating, breathing and consuming the bacteria of the middle kingdom, I would like to think that I have developed immunity on par with that of a frat boy.

For someone visiting for two weeks, eating street food or dining in at a local hole-in-the-wall comes at your own risk. Even if the food is clean, the quality is not (always) the best. So though I hold the hotel to no fault as we got exactly what we asked for.

‘Good luck restaurant’ was the name of the establishment, although a more apt description might have been good luck finding where it is located. Thanks to my limited Chinese, we were finally able to find the place after wandering around for a while.

A store employee attempts weird marketing tactic

during our search for Good Luck Restaurant.

In short, the restaurant was a place that needs to be seen to be believed. It included:

- non-English speaking waiter (we were in China to be fair)

- meat-filled vegetarian dish

- questionably ‘clean’ plates/tables/entrees

- interesting choice of decorations (see below)

Barack "the riveter" Obama

Being wine enthusiasts, my father and stepmom decided to order a bottle of wine. Similar to the shopkeeper on the night of my Christmas Eve party, our waiter struggled to open the bottle of wine. For several minutes, we uncomfortably watched him dig into the bottle and destroy the cork, not saying anything for fear of causing him to lose face.

Poor cork, we hardly knew ye.

A manager, seeing his struggle yelled at him and sent him back to the kitchen (to get a new bottle presumably) and apologized to us in Chinese. When the wine was finally poured, it turned out to be pretty terrible. We all felt bad for the waiter so we sat and drank our wine. Surprisingly, none of us got food poisoning but GLR is not a place I will be recommending to friends.

Guilin, Day 2

So the blog’s been silent for a while now. No, I am not dead. Rather the opposite. My month-long trip was just the boost I needed to put me in the positive frame of mind to finish my last semester in China strong. It was nice to have so much time off to get a fresh perspective and lay plans for my next venture in life. During my time off I visited Guilin (China), Hong Kong and Australia. My last post left off at my first day in Guilin. Looks like I have some catching up to do…

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The next day, the entire fam woke bright and early for a cruise down the famous Li River and a trip to Yangshao Village. The tour started out with a bus ride to the dock during which my father (whom I love dearly) played “that guy” of the group and asked as many questions as possibly about things he would probably never concern himself with again. I supposed he was making sure he got his money’s worth.

As those who have signed up for group tours know, there is a lot of waiting in between activities/ sights. Since the cruise was filled with mostly Chinese people I looked at the lull in time as an opportunity to practice my Chinese and bug those around me to help translate characters that I had drawn on my airplane barfbag into English.

Barfbag

For me the Li River was a real life representation of the mass-produced Chinese river/mountain landscape artwork found on vases or wall tapestries at one-size-fits all home stores that are common in America. The actual Li River was better. Lonely planet hits the nail on the head when they describe the river’s beauty as “hard to exaggerate” and “one of the classic, legendary images travelers tend to have of China.” Although it was a cold and damp day (winter in southern China, what can you do), I braved the top deck to snap pictures of the scenery, including some family shots. Despite the gorgeous mountain scenery eerily beautiful river, the best time to see Guilin, Guangxi is undoubtedly not in winter so I would suggest that those of you wanting to go wait until April or May.

Vase depicting Li River scenery

Li River

After 83 kilometres of river boating, we arrived at Yangshao village. Yangshao village is where the majority of tours on the Li River end and has thus become a huge hub for tourism. Despite the definite tourist feel, Yangshao has managed to keep a village feel and resist conversion into a complete tourist trap.

The Guangxi ‘state’ in which Yangshao and Guilin lay is actually the Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region, a moniker created to allow for special governing allowances for the Zhuang minority group that resides in the area. I really enjoyed exploring the shops and learning about the minority customs and apparel that I don’t see in my predominately Han city.

Top to bottom: Photograph of Zhuang minority women, traditional Zhuang garb.

After everyone stuffed their bags with souvenirs, the entire group piled into a passenger van and headed back towards the hotel in Guilin. We had been sightseeing for 9 hours and wanted nothing more than to get out of the damp cold. This was not to be the case.

Since the tour guide was a rational man, he assumed that anyone who had asked so many questions as my dad had about the local pearl factory must really want to visit and make a large purchase. So as we neared Guilin, the tour guide took it upon himself to transfer us to a separate bus to visit the factories that no one wanted to visit. My father was confused when the rest of the group failed to join us. His eyes grew wide as we explained to him in hushed tones that the tour guide was taking us on a separate trip since he thought that is what we wanted. I was aware that it was to be an expensive side trip, as I knew from 5 months of living in China that reciprocity is the usual expectation for any thoughtful act. No action is performed without an agenda.

We pulled up to the pearl factory and listened to a painful, pre-rehearsed speech, complete with awkward questions and unnatural vocal pauses. I met eyes with my stepmother and had to excuse myself from the group so as not to burst into laughter and cause the worker to lose face. After describing how a pearl is formed and how China has the most beautiful pearls, we were ushered into a jewelry showroom where we could buy government guaranteed pearls. We tried on 15,000 and 10,000 dollar strands for giggles and browsed the nacreous jewel filled cases. I felt like I had stepped into Breakfast at Tiffany’s but with crappy carpet and an Asian cast.

Top to bottom: Being shown how pearl is formed, showroom.

I grew bored of looking at jewelry I couldn’t afford and chatted with the tour guide while we waited on the rest of the group to make their purchases. He informed me that the Clinton family had also visited Guilin and pointed to a picture of the first family on the wall.

Former first family

My sister and stepmother eventually decided on something a little bit more reasonable and my dad left the pearl factory with a lighter wallet, paying the consequence for his curiosity. His load was lightened again as he pulled out a tip for the above-and-beyond service.

I can’t say that I regret our little side trip because it was definitely an experience and that is what traveling is all about. Don’t know about my dad.再见

Guilin, Day 1

I teach my essay writing class to combat writers block through ‘writing-warm up exercises’: writing for thirty minutes about anything that comes to mind without stopping until time is up. I ensure my frustrated pupils that simply putting pen to paper and scribbling freely for even a short span of time can stretch the “writing muscles” much like hamstring stretches before a basketball game stretch our actual fibrous tissues.

So what is the point of this story? Since I last posted, I have had a hell of a time articulating my thoughts in written form. During times in which the writing itch has struck I have found myself far away from my computer.

However, the longer I go without an update, the longer I go without satisfying the original purpose of my blogging (detailing my adventures into the real world) and the longer I am badgered by my younger sister to put up a post. So if only for the second reason, here is another blog post.

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My intital impression of Guilin (in Chinese: 桂林) was that the air quality was much better than my ‘home’/host city. The ever-opening baggage claim doors ensured that the crisp mountain air hit me as soon as I stepped off the plane. The entire city of 740,000 is filled with osmanthus trees, the fragrance of which is occasionally overcome by the ‘stinky tofu’ that seems to be popular in many Chinese cities. For those of you who don’t have the pleasure to enjoy this sensuous treat, the tofu smells like stinky feet. Guilin has the charm of a small town. The narrow streets are lined with beautiful landscaping and many typical Asian shops. The tallest building has only 20 stories to leave plenty of room to view the scenic misty mountains. The people themselves were more polite and occasionally stopped for traffic.

Above: Osmanthus tree

To my surprise and delight, most of the cab drivers I experienced were cordial and spoke some English. Although my mandarin has improved since I arrived in China, (from zero words to slightly functional), it is always nice to know that the driver can understand you if you aren’t up for a game of Chinese charades.

The hotel staff at the Shangri-La was even more friendly. We were welcomed at check-in with a cup of the traditional local tea-which was sweet and delicious. Every morning, we were greeted by our full names and asked questions about ourselves. By the end of the trip, it seemed like everyone on staff knew more about us than we ever cared to know about each other.

Stay tuned to hear more about Guilin.再见